Naughty Knickers

Laugh at Life and the light shines through

Have you ever realized that underwear can be a huge subject once you begin chatting to other riders?

It can be a source of much hilarity as everyone begins to tell their own story.

I was raised in a family of “Liverpudlians” who make jokes about everything and it leaves you looking at life one giggle at a time.

When I cast my mind back to being a kid

it was my Nana Leckey who taught us “she’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes and her favorite verse, “she’ll be wearing big white bloomers when she comes” to which she would giggle.

Nan must have thought that knickers were a very important part of your clothing as come Christmas or Birthdays she would buy some very large practical knickers for us all.

Leckey Family gathering with all my Irish Great Aunts

I can distinctly remember one large family Christmas at Dutton Locks. All the Merseyside family were there and Nan came to the door of the living room with her tiny parcels for everyone. My Dad spotted Nan and began a drum role on the arm of his chair, doing an Auctioneers voice he said,”read out the names on the parcel Mum” and she started throwing them across the room, as he would shout, “and what have we got?…..” we’d all join in the final cry, “KNICKERS!”

Now Nans parcel wrapping was not that good and as the parcel flew through the air the knickers came out of the wrapping and would hit the new owners somewhere on their body or float gracefully through the air and land on the floor in front of them. She’d always end by saying, “oh you our Derek, you are daft” we would all be in fits of laughter.

Moving forward a few years around 1969

and she herself wore big long knickers that sometimes used to hang down beneath her ever shortening mini skirts. Our family are not much on fashion but it did look quite funny when she sat down and her knickers peeped out from under her skirt. As a family we walked along the canal or “top cut” when our Merseyside cousins came to stay.  You always had to be wary of falling in “pot holes,” well, our poor Nan fell into one of the holes and we heard a big “Riiiiiip” she had torn her bloomers when she fell. We laughed till our sides ached all the way home, couldn’t wait to tell our Dad.

Dads Dreadful Undies

I remember volunteering to drive my college mates to the chippie at lunchtime. I had a big old Bedford van Dad gave me and they all piled into the back. It was Winter and the windows steamed up with 8 of us squeezed in. I handed the fella next to me a rag  from out of the door to wipe the windscreen and as he opened it up it turned out to be an enormous pair of my Dads “Y” fronts with a big hole in the back, I never lived that down in 5 years I can tell you.

Years later, when their campervan was robbed in Christchurch Dad could not believe that someone would actually steal his undies.

The importance of a simple pair of comfy undies should never be underestimated:

In the 11 years we have run our horse adventure company I have learned that underwear is actually a very important part of our kit. Choosing your undies wisely can be the difference between having a comfy beautiful bottom or having a “pain in the bum.”

Finding out the hard way not to forget your togs: One lunchtime on the Lake Hawea Hunter River Ride , John the guests went swimming. Forgetting his togs he made the decision to swim in his undies. After lunch he saddled up and rode for 4 hours to the next hut, by the time he dismounted he was walking like, “John Wayne” the resulting blister lasted the entire season (this still makes me wince.) After that I bought him some “fanny adams” equestrian undies., these are big undies that have no seams and they worked quite well. He prefers his, “Tradies” I think he feels like “honey badger” off the adverts.

As anyone who has ridden with us knows, John and our crew ride in shorts most of the summer.  Now John has to wear a belt to carry some much needed tools for the trekking. He hitches his shorts up tightens the belt and saddles up.  You guessed it, the undies are on parade and one trails customers named him “Captain underpants” as just like my Nan before him his long undies stick out of the bottom of his shorts. One kindly Auzzie/ Kiwi Janine who makes swimming togs even sent him two pairs of very snazzie undies addressed to “Captain underpants”

Seamlessly Simple is the key

You don’t want a seam in the wrong place when you are in the saddle for 6 or 7 hours that can cause some serious blisters. One customer wore a “g” string for 8 days and she could hardly walk after the second day. In her customer feedback she wrote that it had been a wonderful trip but put a PS. “don’t wear  “g” strings on an 8 day trail”

Knickers come in all shapes and sizes, colors and materials. Many women wear “boy legs” some men’s undies as they have less seams and generally they are cotton.

Padded bike shorts are very popular to give that bit of padding on the cheeky bits.

Alternative solutions: Two Ladies grabbed some fine wool from the Hunter Valley woolshed as padding for their bottoms, they stuffed their knickers so full that they look like they had, “Kardashian bottoms.”

Other Ladies bring a square of “memory foam” to fit in their pants.

Watch that wind or you will be heading round the mountain without your draws

One lady rider came to me worried that she had lost her undies out of the second storey window at the “Lake Hawea Hotel.” She had washed them and hung them out to dry only to have the wind pick up and blow them out of the window. Well, I searched the bushes outside the hotel and then we realized, they had flown into the guttering. Afterwards she informed me that they were expensive “silk designer undies” that she had bought in Paris, golly!

On the last Lake Ohau Luxury Trail” as the wind picked up on the second day,  one of my Ladies lost her knickers off the washing line. They were last seen making their own way across the paddock heading towards the mountains.

So, if you are reading this and wondering when “she’s coming round the mountain” to collect her undies, you’ll be waiting a while, she returned to Auckland on yesterdays flight.

Loads of love and laughter for a happy Valentines

Angie xx